Well, after two or three days of battling very high blood pressure, I finally decided to take Ms. J to the hospital. I let her decide whether to travel via ambulance or Yukon, and she chose the latter. So, I loaded her up with a bit of help from my mother, and took her in. We were admitted right away, which was nice, but we ended up in the ER till about 4 a.m. They admitted her because of her--ahem--constipation and her high blood pressure. I stayed with her as they got her a little situated, but she was so upset and so tired. I just couldn't bear to leave her. She was so emotional from lack of sleep and I think from also being so frightened at the general situation. I told her I'd stay with her for as long as she wanted me to after she looked up at me from the hospital bed with such worry in her eyes. I haven't felt such anguish in a while. Sure, I've been stressed with all of this, but seeing such acute fear in her just tore my heart in half. She was so weak and stiff that she couldn't press the call button on her own. And with the Lactolase working on her, she was having to call the nurses about every 2 minutes. (If anyone has had experience with that stuff, you know that it takes about 30 minutes to work. Well, with my grandmother, it took about 4 hours. And when it works...it...works.) I talked with the CNA and we rigged the button with an EKG sticker so she could feel it. I tried in vain to calm her and get her to stop crying for a while longer, but finally her tiredness overcame her and she started to relax. I tucked her in and decided to head back home (a 30 minute drive) to get the toiletries, robes, etc., that she requested. On the way, I realized I was much more tired myself than I had realized. I suppose several nights of limited or no sleep will do that. Still, I'm lucky that my absent-minded reveries didn't land me in a ditch, and that I didn't run out of gas. I had been on E for the whole trip and completely forgot to fill up before I left town.
As I drove, I made several calls to friends and family to let them know what was going on, and arranged for people to go up and spend time with her. I had to...I kept seeing her fearful, scared face, and thought about how stressed and frightened she probably was. What if the nurses didn't get to her in time and she choked or something? I have lost one grandparent to a situation like that before. Never again.
Anyway, my dear, wonderful mother (who has been so amazing during all of this) went up and sat with Ms. J until another friend arrived, who was then followed by my aunt and my grandmother's caregiver. After that, my formerly estranged cousin showed up and fed Ms. J some dinner. Meanwhile, I was fielding calls from more friends and family and attempting to catch some zzz's. I was able to get a few hours in, but the whole time I had stressful and scary dreams about things spiraling out of control. It wasn't good. When I awoke, I realized my mother had been there the whole time, fielding more calls and hoping to help me out when I finally came 'round. She's so awesome.
I am so blessed. Really, I am. I think my grandmother is starting to realize that she is, too.
I finally made it back to town, after having deliriously packed several bags of things into the Yukon. I'm notoriously bad at accurately packing suitcases, and almost always pack more than I need. (You just never know what you might want on hand!) By the time I got back to the hospital, Ms. J was out like a light and sleeping peacefully. I taped up some pictures of family to the wall and brought my cousin's flowers so that she might enjoy them before they wilted completely.
Now, I am tossing back a glass of wine, half a chocolate bar, and watching a Gossip Girl. My kitty made the trip in to my mother's with me, where we will stay until Ms. J is out of the hospital. It's only a few blocks away, which is highly convenient. Tomorrow I hope to get to the hospital around 9 or so. For now...I must sleep.
Oh, and did I mention that the hospital has lost my grandmother's wheelchair? Yeah.
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