Sunday, March 28, 2010

Waiting for Living Our Dying...

I just ordered my new copy of Joseph Sharp's book...the one I keep talking to you all about. I think I may need to rely on it now more than ever before. Hope it comes soon.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Have to share this...

This is a poem that was featured on Desperate Housewives, Season Four. Maybe you remember this gem as Karen McCluskey's tribute to Ida Greenberg:



Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am in the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in everything.

Do not stand at my grave & cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

Mary E Frye, 1932

Limited Time

I left for a few days to attend a wedding last week, during which time, Ms. J took a turn for the worst. She is currently bed-ridden, because each time we move her, she cheyne-stokes and her heart stops. (!)

So...we are now to the point of check-and-change with the Depends, and move her only so her bedsores heal up.

She just asked us to wash her hair, though...so she's still in there, all right.:)

The nurse just came to visit and thinks that we only have days. I guess the Doc may have been right when she said that we had two months, back in February. I sure don't know. I guess Ms. J is holding on for something or to something and isn't ready just yet. Was it for me to come back? For Dad to come home? He'll be back tonight, so we'll see.

Please keep her and the family in your thoughts and prayers.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Required Watching #1



The Fountain

This is my favorite movie, really. Conveniently for my blog, it also deals with some weighty subjects. However, unlike most movies, The Fountain has without a doubt the most intense visual account of death--from the dying person's perspective--that I have ever seen. I couldn't even attempt to do it justice, so go rent it already.

Seriously, though...there's something about this movie. I sincerely feel, from the bottom of my heart, that there is truth within it. Every time I see it, my heart leaps up into my throat and I swear I'm on the verge of having a religious experience. I feel, every time, like I'm witnessing something Real. At first I thought it was just an emotional response to the beauty of it all, but something inside me really believes that death is actually like what is portrayed in this movie.

And it's distressingly beautiful.

It may confuse and confound you because it's very open-ended and nonlinear, but it's worth it. It can be taken many different ways and it may mean something else to you than it did to me...it's very much open to interpretation. Rachel Weiz and Hugh Jackman are at the top of their game, too. Darren Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem For A Dream, The Wrestler) directs...and...does an amazing job.

Also, it does a very good job dealing with how most people deny death and treat it as a disease, something to be cured. My father is very much that way, so its account of that denial hits close to home.

Miss R Featured on BlogTalk Radio via Caregiving.com

Hi all...I did an interview with Denise Brown over at Caregiving.com this afternoon. Go take a listen if you're bored and don't already know my and Ms. J's story.

It went pretty well, even though I was all nervous and sweaty and caffeinated. (I'm much better in writing.) But, I seem coherent, so...great! There was a caller who swore on air, but hey...keeps things interesting.

To find the interview, visit Caregiving.com, head to the right column, and find the BlogTalk Radio player. I'm on the March 14th episode of Table Talk.

There were a few things I didn't get to hit on that I had wanted to, but I will post on that later today. One of them was "hopes and dreams for the future." I hope to get to that one today because I'm pretty excited about it.

Thanks to Denise for making me feel so comfortable and for all her encouraging words!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Required Reading #1

I've been meaning to post on this for a while, but haven't because I feel like I need a full, formal article to do the subject justice. However, I will probably never be satisfied with anything I write, so I might as just write something.

Caregiving is hard. Dealing with death and dying is harder. How best to handle these challenges? Personally, I find refuge and solace in reading about other people's experiences. I've been fortunate to come across a few books that have helped me immensely, and I heartily recommend them to you.

I am planning to do some mini-reviews on the books I've found the most helpful, so look for those in posts to come. For now, I'm going to be lazy and provide a list. Also, I'm always on the lookout for new books that might help us on our caregiving journey, so if you know of any, please contact me.

Anyway, here's a list of the few I've had the most luck with thus far:

1. Tuesdays With Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson
I'm sure this book has been on every single required reading list ever written. There's a reason. It's amazing.

2. Living Our Dying
Written by Joseph Sharp, a hospital chaplain who was diagnosed with AIDs. This book is almost a how-to manual for dealing with terminal illness, death, and the dying process. It is truly a must-have, but it isn't exactly fun or light. Sharp includes mindfulness exercises that include imagining your own death...in detail. Sounds scary, but it is enlightening beyond words.

3. Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
An unorthodox selection, perhaps...and one I read a long time ago. Stilll, I've been thinking about it so much lately that I think it's worth including.

4. The Pharmacist's Mate
Recommended a few years ago by a friend, I finally got around to reading it not long ago. I am very glad I did. The author writes about her experience with the death of her father...and about her experience with artificial insemination. Life, birth, family, guns...it's all here.

5. Chicken Soup for the Caregiver's Soul
It should be pretty obvious why this is included. I don't care how sappy it sounds. This book is a necessity for every caregiver's library.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sleepy Time...

Ms. J has started sleeping in the evening, something she has never done. It usually happens after a day of visits and phone calls, which tire her out. It sounded like today was a very mild day, yet still she is sleeping right through the end of Amelia. (Which, by the way, is a movie I recommend.)

I think I should try harder to wake her up, but she doesn't really respond when she gets like this. Unless I am putting her on the toilet, in which case she becomes wide awake and can't even think about sleeping. (A good thing, I think.)

So, let her sleep and relax since she is clearly tired...or wake her up so she will actually sleep tonight and not keep us both up past 2am...

Anyone? Yeah, I don't know either.

I think I will try and get her ready for bed in her chair...the SoniCare toothbrush always wakes her up, for one. That way I can get her ready for bed and also wake her up a little so she'll be tired for her actual bedtime....which, I just realized, it almost IS.